President of Thieves
by PitFTW
Summary: Well, perhaps he should have known better than to agree to the seemingly not-serious challenge of joining his "Merry Men and a Few Women" should he fail in throwing an entire oak tree further than the famed… Alfred Hood.


President of Thieves

**A/N: Hello! This is part of a collection of tumblr fill prompts! I will answer them as often as I can and, of course, I am always open to more prompt suggestions! If you have any ideas you'd like me to fill, I can be reached at .com! **

**This one was an absolutely wonderful and creative request! The anon asked for Robin Hood!AU with plenty of flirting and sexual attraction. I hope I delivered well!**

* * *

"Listen up, everyone! This is a super important meeting and I need all of you to start paying attention right now, because if you don't, we're going to end up being our usual quota again, and I won't be able to run around telling people that we're all heroes if we keep giving more than we actually steal!"

This glorious call to attention was given by none other than the tall, strong, blue-eyed, golden-haired young man posting atop a rock, one foot placed precariously upon a nearby tree root. Dressed in a tunic of lincoln green and a tawny feather hat, his million-sun smile seemed to light up the dank, smelly area of Sherwood he and his large group of men and women resided in. Actually, there were plenty of other spots in the woods that were less dank and less smelly, but this one was the only one that had a rock conveniently placed in front of a tree, and that was where the rather large band settled after much whining and crying from its leader.

One of the many men clad in green tights that showed off much more than anyone would have wanted to see frowned as he stood up, brows furrowed in confusion. "Wait, hold on a minute, aren't we supposed to be doing that if we're her-"

"Shut up, Toni! When the super awesome President of Thieves is talking, you're just supposed to be seen and not heard!"

"Wait, President?" that came from a Frenchman sitting nearby, who unlike anyone else, had chosen to wear gaudy purple instead of the green that would have been a lot more useful in blending into the forest. Unless, of course, said forest was made out of purple trees or Purple People Eaters. "That implies you were elected… which means that we held elections at one point!? Why was I not informed of this? I would most certainly have been elected because any uniforms I design will be much better than those horrible, puke green-"

"And this is why you're usually the distraction, Francis,"

Kiku, otherwise known as Little Kiku, sighed as he stood up, still feeling quite foolish and a lot like some sort of pervert in his too-tight tights. He had been working alongside Alfred F. Jones (Or Hero of the Hood, depending on who you spoke to and how stupid they were) for years, ever since he had lost in a bout of strength after Alfred had misinterpreted his polite offer to allow him to cross the bridge they both had set foot on at the same time. Well, perhaps he should have known better than to agree to the seemingly not-serious challenge of joining his "Merry Men and a Few Women" should he fail in throwing an entire oak tree further than the famed… Alfred Hood.

"Now, let us not waste anymore time," Kiku said firmly, as usual, somehow able to keep the calm, despite the fact that his voice volume was two notches above Matthew's at best. "We have our goal, and as ordered, we must fulfill it to the best of our ability. We must do everything we can to send the message to King Veneziano that we are all sick of eating nothing but pasta, but we lack the money to buy any other foods, so he must lower the taxes to allow us to buy better, more expensive foods."

"What he said," Alfred agreed, pulling out the sword he stole off of the king's champion knight and holding it aloft. "So now, my Merry Men and a Few Women, we must ride out and be the heroes that Sherwood deserves, but not the one it needs right now! No, wait, I said that wrong…"

"Anyways," Kiku cleared his throat as he pulled out a map, laying it on the ground. All of the Merry Men and a Few Women crowded around it, making the area even smellier because no one wanted to smell the summer sweat off of anyone. Thankfully, Kiku had the foresight to breathe through his mouth, and it was with not much of a flourish that he pointed to a spot on the road not far away from their hideout. "I have been monitoring this family for some time. They are the House Kirkland, a trading company that has benefited greatly from this pasta decree. Their youngest son, Arthur, travels down this path every day. We shall ambush him here." he pointed to a spot circled in red, in case someone was colorblind. "And take all that he has before sending him on his way. Any questions?"

Someone in the back raised their hand.

"No, Gilbert, we are not going to sing The Awesome Anthem while smashing his brains out."

"Dammit!"

* * *

The carriage was a rather nice one, if by nice you meant gaudy. It was basically made of solid gold, and shining so brightly that even Kiku, Yao, and Im Yong Soo all had to cover their eyes to prevent themselves from going blind. It was honestly a wonder how no one had managed to rob this carriage yet, or steal it for that matter, for it seemed that the young Lord Kirkland had neglected to take guards, guard dogs, or even little guard bunnies with him. Seriously, he thought he was that safe.

But no carriage, no matter how overly shiny, was a match for Alfred Hood and his MMaaFW! For without a single warning, Alfred drew his bow (an impractical weapon for close combat, but really, he looked awesome anyways) and whistled, leading the charge from the edge of the forest to the unsuspecting carriage before them. The driver screamed as he leaped to the side and ran away, ditching his charge where he sat.

Alfred was in the thick of it all, loosing arrows left and right at random people that didn't exist. He was a god, a bolt of lightning, a fierce force of epic thievery and sexiness that could be conquered by no one! A man who was unconquered by both men and women alike, for he was-

Turned on.

No, seriously.

Something caught Alfred's attention, something shinier and much more beautiful than any sort of gold a rich man could carry. It was a flash of gold, yes, but also a gentle hue of alabaster, a ray of alexandrite, and of course, a giant explosion of emerald that all but swallowed him whole.

He was a man, dressed in a fine suit of silk, wielding a blade that was still blued from the blacksmith's forge. He was facing off against Francis, the best swordsman in the band, and easily holding his own. Every step he took, every thrust he used, was timed beautifully with the sort of precision that caused even Francis to stay on the tips of his toes as he desperately parried every stroke of his opponent's sword.

He was flexible too, as if his dodging didn't make it obvious enough. Alfred stood there, slack-jawed as his eyes roamed over that lithe body, reveling in the way it bent and flexed every which way. This man was more than handsome; he was just downright beautiful.

But perhaps what hit him the hardest was that smirk. It was beautifully formed upon lovely seashell pink lips, the sort of smile that was stormy and calming all at once. It was the smile of a powerful pirate captain who had once roamed the seven seas, yielding to no one and knowing only the blood on his blade. And in his gaze, Alfred was transfixed, mesmerized only by the flash of his green eyes and the upward curve of his mouth.

Then, all too soon, it was over, and Francis lay curled up on the ground, lamenting the loss of his hair. Evidently, the man's blade had managed to slice off a rather large chunk, leaving an uneven haircut in its wake. Francis was likely going to be sobbing over this forever, but it wasn't like Alfred cared; after all, hair would grow back, but having sex on legs in front of you was a once in a lifetime kind of thing in this time period.

"I don't suppose you're the leader?" he asked. Immediately, Alfred shifted focus from the amazing fluidity of his body to the gentle undulation of his voice, little more than music to his ears as he continued standing there like an idiot. Eventually, he started thinking with his (other) head and he blinked, putting on the best, smoothest smile he could ever put on.

"Well, maybe I am, maybe I'm not," Alfred answered with a shrug. This was going to take every ounce of his epic flirting powers! Focus, focus… "But which answer will put a smile on that pretty face faster?"

For a moment, the nobleman said nothing. Then, his smirk widened, so much so that the corners of those beautiful green eyes crinkled ever so slightly. Alfred grinned at the sight and cocked his head, grinning as he wriggled his eyebrows a bit more.

"I would like to think that you are the leader of this…" he looked around, disgust flickering on his face for a brief moment, before that almost predatory smirk returned. "Lovely little band. Because really, why else would such a lovely face be found on the battlefield? Such terrible rough housing could mar it."

"Well, what can I say?" Alfred asked with a shrug and a smirk. "I like it rough. The more my dueling partner bleeds…" he winked. "The better."

"I see," the nobleman remarked, smiling some more as he sheathed his blade. "I'm sure you've had many a dueling partner before."

"Well, I won't lie to you, but I will say…" Alfred paused for a moment, before speaking again. "None have left me satisfied before."

This seemed to greatly interest the other man. One promiscuous eyebrow raised itself, revealing even more of those lovely green eyes. "Oh? Was it because they were weak?" he leaned forward just a teeny bit, a small purr rumbling from his throat. "Because my, my, you look like quite the strong one. Stronger then an ox, I'll say."

Alfred chuckled, leaning on his bow as he thought of his next comment. "Not at all. There were some plenty strong enough… but most just plain couldn't keep up." he sighed and shook his head. "It's so sad too. I'm always left unsatisfied by the end…"

The young noble smiled. "My name is Arthur Kirkland, of the noble House Kirkland. I've been trapped in a tower of ivory for so long that I've grown more than weary of it and my own family." he paused for a moment to remove one glove, holding out his bared hand for Alfred to shake. "I would like to try my hand at dueling you. If you will allow me, I would like to join your band. And please, do not worry." he winked. "I like it rough as well."

Alfred looked down at the hand before him, his face becoming serious, noting how creamy and soft it looked. It was the sort of hand that would become horribly scarred from work in Sherwood Forest and thievery, callused from holding a sword and nocking a bow.

It would become the most beautiful hand in the world.

"If you should join my band, then you'll need a new name," Alfred stated, a smile slowly but surely working its way across his face. "From this day on, you are Arthur Kirkland no more."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Then who am I, my dear sir?"

Alfred laughed as he took the other's hand, lacing their fingers together. "Welcome to Sherwood Forest, Arthur Marian."


End file.
